Younger siblings and social media rules

Author: Lynn JataniaOur youngest daughter, who is in Grade Seven this year, is moving up the social media ladder.

She has her own tablet to use on the Wi-Fi at home and recently got her own Instagram account. She’s really loving the ability to share pics with her friends and chat with them online – especially because her two older siblings have been Instagramming and texting for at least three years now.

But it is a problem that she can see what’s allowed for her older two siblings, and not for her. Mix the difference in rules with a good dose of young teenaged angst and it’s causing some friction around here.

I have to admit I can’t remember exactly what the rules were for the older two when they first got Instagram accounts. I wish I’d written it all down. In fact, that’s my recommendation to parents with a few kids coming through the pipe – once you settle on a set of rules for the oldest, write them down. That way, when you open up the rules as the older one ages, you won’t end up with the situation we have right now, where you are struggling to keep the younger ones on a different set of rules that you aren’t even sure are fair.

Here is what I think were the rules for the older two when they hit Grade Seven and first had social media exposure:

  • Accounts must be private;
  • I have to be a “friend” on their account so I can see what they are posting;
  • no screens before school;
  • no screens after 8:30 p.m.;
  • no random, unauthorized screen time.

It’s these last two that are the real problems. Our older two are now allowed to have screen time up to 9:30 p.m. because they have a later bedtime; they are also allowed to randomly “check their phone” from time to time to check in with friends, even when they haven’t officially declared that they are having a designated hour of screen time. (In general, our kids get screen time in one-hour chunks, after which they need to take a non-screen break.)

Our youngest considers it pretty unfair that she has to put her tablet away while everyone else still has a screen in their face; and that she gets in trouble if she just wanders over to her tablet, hearing the siren song of potential new Instagram messages calling her, without asking for an hour of screen time first.

I have to admit that I, too, have gotten pretty used to the older two kids and their more fluid screen time rules. I’ve changed my own behaviour to match, and now I have to backpedal my own actions. I have to be more watchful of my youngest, and I have to be more present for her so that someone is willing to share actual face time with her when she’s not allowed to have her tablet. It’s certainly what I did for the older two at her age.

I need to turn back the clock on the rules for myself as well. It’s been harder than I thought, but necessary. I need to show my youngest that we’re serious about the rules, and she has to show that she understands how to fit social media into her life responsibly and how to act kindly online. Then she can work her way up to her siblings’ current rules (which I am now writing down before I forget).

It’s hard to balance a different set of rules for each kid, but it’s important not to assume that just because she’s seen her older siblings doing something, that she’s earned the same rights. How about you – do you keep the younger kids on a reduced social media diet, or is it too hard to enforce different rules for everyone?

 

Resources on social media and screen time: