We’re living in a strange and uncertain time. Already, as parents, we’re feeling our way to the right set of rules and guidelines for screens and social media. But now that we’re facing an extended time of quarantine and social distancing, the rules are bending and changing every day.
Over the last week our world has been invaded: cute cartoon creatures can now be found lurking in parks, restaurants, museums, and even people's houses. If you haven't seen them, it's because they're only visible on a smartphone screen, and only if you're playing the new game "Pokémon Go".
The Internet offers young people important opportunities to socialize with their friends and families as well as to find people who share common interests and communities that can provide emotional support. It is also inevitable that at an age where young people are starting to explore their sexuality offline, they will do so online in these interactive environments as well.
Our youngest is about to turn 14, and that means it’s time for the last member of our family to get her own cell phone.
We decided back when our oldest was heading off to high school that age 14, Grade 9, is cell phone time for our family. We’ve been happy with that decision – it seemed like the right time in terms of maturity, and also it became clear that having a phone to use in class at high school was beneficial and even expected.
When screens started being part of our daily lives – not just for work, but for entertainment, communication, and news – we parents had to do some serious thinking. What would the rules be? How would we govern these new devices? What were the best choices?
The nature of online sexual exploitation is widely misunderstood: “Instead of pedophiles (ie individuals with sexual interests in children) preying on young children, most Internet-initiated sex crimes involve young adults (mostly men) who target and seduce teenagers into sexual encounters.” Similarly, child sexual abuse material is most frequently produced by victims’ family members, with fathers being the single most common perpetrators. Even in cases of sextortion, 60 percent of youth who are victims know the perpetrators offline.
As adults, we want to foster resilience in young people, starting when they’re young. This can be done by teaching them how to handle harassing messages or requests that make them feel uncomfortable – on the internet or in the schoolyard – and, as they get older, by teaching them how to spot and respond to emotional manipulation. The good news is that most teens are effectively handling online requests from strangers – the bigger challenge is helping them handle sexual advances from people they know.